Spiced apple sesame muffins with cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and black pepper. Mixed with sesame oil, chia seeds, and brown sugar for a moist, delicious muffin.
This blog has always been a space for me first. That means I’ve never sugarcoated emotions or recipes. Some posts are joyful and breezy, others are complicated and long-winded. I am human. As it is, I’m deeply skeptical of overly positive social media because it’s just a lie or a denial of reality. My reality is that sometimes I make pastries in joy, sometimes in boredom, and sometimes in despair.
This is one of those times.
Creating is very hard right now. I have no confidence. My mind and body are soggy from self doubt and conviction that it is too late for me to be me and everyone else has done it all already. They wrote the book, they cooked the pastries, they got the followers. I am resigned to tweaking others’ recipes and reading their words, finding no inspiration or motivation in my own. I am noise, not music; trite, not original; left behind, not forging ahead.
I thought about calling these spiced apple despair muffins, but that wouldn’t rank and tbh nobody would read it because nobody wants to associate baked goods with sad shit. But life is shitty sometimes/a lot o times, and pastry is my life. So here they are— spiced apple sesame muffins for SEO.
I ran out of flour and oil and cinnamon and have been too out of it to do proper grocery shopping so these muffins were a hot mess to make. Somehow they tasted good so I made them again and then again. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere but I’m not in the mood to find it.
I don’t have uplifting words this week—just overwhelm and a buttload of muffins.