TBH, I have not felt good this week.
The novelty of WFH has worn off. I don’t feel excited to cook 3 meals a day everyday. I don’t like being at home all day. I don’t like my “schedule”, my not-gym workouts, not having space, the news, the mites eating my plant, starting arguments over little things, pretending like I know how to use Instagram Live, and not finding flour or eggs at the grocery store when I want them.
I miss normalcy fiercely, and I feel guilty for wanting materialistic things, but I also know it’s okay to feel. Because we are all feeling this way together, and so we will all get through this together.
By complete coincidence, I started reading The Book of Joy this week. It had been on my list for weeks, and with the purchase of a new Kindle, I gave it a shot. The book chronicles conversations between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu about what it really means to find joy, and how to cultivate it during times of hardship.
This book could not have come at a better time. Right now, life feels uncertain, strange, and frustrating. I place so much joy on things outside of myself—group fitness classes, bang trims, nice dinners out, rosé in the park. But now, I have to look inside and find the joy that exists without any of that.
I’m trying (very slowly) to find this inner joy. I’m happy that I’m healthy, and so is my family. I’m happy that the world is coming together to fight this virus. I’ve never seen the world unite like this before, and I’m hopeful for what that means for human potential. As the book states, there are setbacks that are difficult to fathom sometimes. But overall, the world is getting better. People are learning to be caring, compassionate; they are learning to be human.
Instead of feeling anger on not having the ingredients I want readily available, I am happy to stretch my creativity. I’m taking risks with new recipes and a new online presence by trying out IG live videos. I hate videos of myself, but here I am, doing new things because I am able to.
I’m also immensely happy to drink chai multiple times a day, which is one of the most comforting experiences. Chai is warmth and culture in a mug, and I will always cherish it.
I made these gluten-free digestive biscuits for the practical reason of not having flour, but also the soulful reason of having something to compliment my chai. The hazelnut and oats work wonders together, and the butter creates steam pockets that make these gluten-free digestive biscuits ethereally light yet still full of flavor. They’re crumbly, but who doesn’t like some crumbs to spoon out at the end of your cup of chai anyways?
Talk to each other, DM me whenever, and let’s continue to find joy in all the little ways we can.